In honor of Star Wars Day (May the 4th), our spies with the Rebel Alliance have checked in with us regarding some strange goings-on over at Disney’s Hollywood Studios at the Walt Disney World Resort. Apparently there is some new company calling itself ‘Star Tours’ which promises to take travelers on a trip around the universe. Reports are still preliminary at this stage, but apparently the Empire is pleased with the changes that will soon affect us all, perhaps in some ways we shall never even know about.
It begins with the
costume uniform worn by cast members employees of the Star Tours organization. Are we at a Disney theme park or in a galaxy far, far away? Yes. Although new signage outside the attraction have a Disney’s Hollywood Studios theme to them and there are still indications that there is a movie set in the ‘Star Tours: The Adventures Continue’ area according to a recent photo update by StarTours2Live.com, we are assured by our spy that references to soundstages and hot sets will no longer apply in the world of the Star Tours travel company, at least once you step inside the show building terminal.
In fact, the line is being so blurred between the world of fantasy and — well, fantasy, that we are told that Walt Disney Imagineering has been instructing cast members that when posted outside the attraction, they are part of a theme park and should act with such knowledge, but once inside the attraction, there effectively is no Walt Disney World, straight down to standing orders to disregard the infamous ‘Disney Point.’
For those who don’t already know, the ‘Disney Point’ is so named because cast members are trained to never point with one finger when directing guests, lest another guest feel that they are being pointed at and consider it rude. So rather than a random guest being irritated that they have a stranger pointing a finger at them, they will be pleased that they have two fingers pointed at them. In any case, more power to the Star Tours agent who can turn it on and off at will.
Now where was I? Oh yes. Star Tours. Our spies report that, as feared, Star Tours is currently operating at half capacity with three out of six Starspeeder 1000s operating, which has fueled speculation that guests will be in for long waits when the attraction makes its debut on May 20. Unfortunately, however, our spies report that operations is only part of the issue and that the queues still require a lot of work, but only because Imagineering is set on making this a truly immersive Star Wars experience.
Upon entering the terminal, guests will see the brand spankin’ new Starspeeder 1000 in top form. A brand new rear-projection screen will showcase commercials for the Star Tours agency (with music composed by Michael Giacchino) as well as show information on arrivals (green) and departures (red) in both English and Aurebesh. A ‘live cam’ will also showcase the activity of the busy starport for the amusement of those waiting on queue to depart to destinations unknown. Guests are advised to keep an eye on the screen as they never know which ship from the Star Wars universe will arrive/depart next — will it be the Millennium Falcon? or perhaps Queen Amidala’s ship? One just never knows.
Guests are then invited to proceed further into the queue and kindly asked to ignore the babbling of one RX-24 droid who keeps insisting it will be a Star Tours pilot someday (Sure, and the Death Star will one day be destroyed! Keep dreaming!).
We’ve had enough fun with the gags and inside jokes though, so it’s time to direct our attention to something taken far more seriously at Star Tours — safety. A droid will scan all bags with an xray scanner to remove all threats. This is serious stuff too. What may resemble a funny looking hat with two big round discs attached to it to you, is really huge security threat and must be destroyed. This is the only way that we can ensure the safe delivery of other guests’ items such as that funny looking musical instrument of Chewbacca’s that sort-of resembles a bowcaster.
Amused by the bag scans? Hopefully not because you’re next!
Once guests make it through security, they are assigned to a row for the Starspeeder 1000 aircraft and handed their touring glasses. Our spies report rumors that these glasses, equipped for Dolby Digital 3D technology, took Disney for about $9 a pop with a total near cost of a cool million for the glasses alone. A video then explains the sudden appearance of additional droids on the ship, namely C-3PO and R2-D2.
Passengers then board the Starspeeder 1000 which looks an awful lot like the Starspeeder 3000 of the future, only LED lighting offers some added effects. After a brief pre-flight check and instruction from the Star Tours gate agent (as well as some Disney magic), the doors of the Starspeeder 1000 close and this is where our report ends and the journey begins.
Special thanks to our Rebel Alliance spies who continue with their infiltration at the Star Tours travel company. It’s thanks to your help and dedication that we will continue to make inroads to bring an end to the Empire as we know it once and for all. Fortunately, they will never suspect our spies are amongst them.